If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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