your parents love me but you hate me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
