U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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