i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
