Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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