Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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