I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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