if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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