I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
