I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
