make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
