Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
