got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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