i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
