I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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