Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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