Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Shame - the story of my life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
