i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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