I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
