oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
