found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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