Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
