You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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