My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is my gift to your gina
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
