I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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