haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
