What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
