You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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