i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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