We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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