My nipple is on Facebook.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
