I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
