I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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