I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
