So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
