He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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