dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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