Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
