he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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