lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
