she looked like the before picture.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
