Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
