Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
