i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
