Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
two words...techno handjob
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
