forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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