weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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