I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
