I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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