I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
