I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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