Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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