I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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