it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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