I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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