we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
