I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
