why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
