Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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