im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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