my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
