Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I looked at my own cervix.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
