I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
