too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
