Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
